Can't believe it! He is actually here!!!! Judah Thomas Gard was born November 1 at 10:19pm. It's such an exciting time. And SO incredibly hard to be so far from home right now. Our family has been through so much these past few years that this time of great joy is hard to watch from a distance. As I sat up last night...or I guess it was this morning, waiting to hear from my family, I kept dreaming of what it would have been like to have my mom here. She would be so proud of Jared. They always had a special relationship, that I don't really think alot of sons have with their moms. It's hard to feel that hole that her presence in heaven leaves in our hearts. I feel very much like I need to fill that role at times for Jared, but I know that he has a mom, though she's not here, but he needs a big sister too. Every time something big like a wedding, birthday, or even holidays roll around it always brings back good memories and lots of emotion. I don't know if God shares with my mom what's going on with us or not, but I still ask Him to. She was actually the first person I told that I was pregnant. It helps to bridge that gap in my mind and make her feel very much apart of what's happening now and not just the past. I'm excited to see my dad in his new role as a grandpa too. He has so much to offer little Judah and I know that he will be an amazing influence in his life.
I am excited to be an aunt (not to discredit my 17 other nieces and nephews on Bryan's side:) and to have the opportunity to be apart of this new phase for Jare and Jess.
I have been praying for months about this time because I knew it would be hard. God has worked it out that I will be going home on Friday and be able to be WITH my family. It is a blessing and I don't want to lose sight of that just because I want to be there now. God has a plan for Bryan and I and He knows that my hearts desire is to be an active part of my new little nephew's life. I pray that He gives me the wisdom in how to do that.