So what exactly are expectations? Some practical people might say, preconceived demands placed on a situation. More emotional people, like myself, like to refer to them as dreams...sounds so much more dramatic and let's me be the martyr. Broken dreams sounds much more appealing than unmet expectations, don't you think?? But let's be real and call them expectations.
I am learning right now the importance of letting these ideas go. It's not so much about not having the thoughts at all, as it is about not being consumed with them. Maybe it's a form of coveting. Wanting something to turn out a certain way so badly that it takes over your thoughts and actions. I justify my disappointment with pity. "It's not fair" has run through my head several times in the past weeks.
I think of lyrics to a song that I used to listed to alot in high school. It talks about God having deeper dreams for us than we can imagine. When you put it that way...letting go of something good for something amazing, it seems to easy, so obvious. Why is it still so hard?
It's such a process. One day I say I can trust God with anything, He holds the future and I need to just lay my burdens down at His feet and move on with confidence that He will work it out. The next day I am focused on what I don't have and how I can get it. What my life needs to be and how I need to get there. It's draining to go on this journey of constant ups and downs, but I have to hold on to God, even if I stray I have to be still and know that He is God. He knows what will happen and what needs I will have before they are even a passing thought in my mind. Praise God for his unending wisdom and unexplainable love!