Thursday, August 18, 2016

Amelia Hope

Amelia Hope Baxter
Before our sweet number three was even a blip on an ultrasound I had a feeling, this feeling that the next baby was going to take me deeper, require more faith and leave me closer to God than ever.  Two months in to having an outside baby this couldn't be more true.  While the story isn't probably so much of a struggle to outsiders, no serious diagnosis or life threatening events were ever faced, the struggle for me personally is very real and deep.  I remember taking the pregnancy test that morning and just that feeling of disbelief that God would bless us with another baby.  I showed Bryan as soon as he got home from the gym a little later.  The weeks that followed were filled with the usual, for me, nausea.  I also started having so anxiety, nothing alarming or life changing but just some little signs.  Everything continued to go well as the months progressed, we found out it was girl #3 and started to really get excited as we prepared for her arrival.
Labor and Birth
It all started on April 10th after church.  I suddenly started just not feeling right, seeing flashes in my vision and needing to sit and calm my mounting anxiety.  After a few minutes of working through it all I started feeling better, went home and took a nap and felt better.  I called the on call doctor and he thought it was probably just anxiety and not to worry but call if it happened again.  The new day, Monday it happened again only this time Bryan was at work and j have run to get my fingerprints taken for background checks to work at Lolas school.  I got in the car to leave and started to not feel right again, so I went straight to Bryan's work, called the midwife and we went in to get checked out. They wanted to monitor me for a while.  In the end my blood pressure was all over the place and we decided that my body was done being pregnant and induction was the best idea.
The outpacing started about 7 pm and gradually in creased throughout the night and I to the following day.  Not much by way of contractions, they were coming but slowly, little progress dilating or effacing.  The nurses kept saying, once I hit 4cm it would go fast.  Both midwives were scheduled to be off the following day so they really wanted me to have this baby that night.  I tried a few new positions and all of a sudden around 5:30pm my water broke.  The next hour was probably the toughest of my life.  Because of the pitocin and the anxiety I was prepared to need an epidural, they had me all ready to call the anastesiologist  but in a matter of about 20 min I went from 4 cm to 9 1/2 and just like that it was too late.  Mentally I was just worn out and was begging for some relief I started pushing at alittle after 6, they gave me a small dose of morphine which did nothing and 5 min later at 6:22 pm  Amelia Hope Baxter was born.  7 lbs 12 oz and 19 1/2 inches long.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Dream come true.

With the rush of the holidays over, we are attempting to fall into some sort of routine while living life to the fullest.  Although sometimes as a mom living life to the fullest means one foot in front of the other, it's a blessed life.  
The past few days I have been overwhelmed by the thoughts of heaven and how it is maybe a glimpse and yet still incomparable to those moments in my day where I get little smiles and laughs and snuggles.  I was reminded recently that I am living my dream.  My dream to marry a man who is passionate about following Christ.  My dream to have babies and be apart of their daily lives.  I don't know why God chose to give me these dreams, but I am determined to soak them up, completely.  

Lola loves to play pretend, princesses, robots, cooking.  

Eloise is our talker.  She can make anything into a phone :)

She's also into E V E R Y T H I N G.  

 They adore their Daddy and I love just sitting back and watching him love on them.

Tired girl.

I love everything about this picture.  Sisters.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

It's not over till...

Ah, well I got the blog bug this afternoon and decided that I wouldn't let this thing go for a year without a post.  Life is busy, life is weary, but life is good.  Lola is almost 3 and 1/2 and Eloise will be 16 months soon.  God has blessed me beyond what I could ever have asked or imagined.

Lola loves everything Cinderella, dancing, twirling, and sparkle.  She carries her Cabbage Patch doll pretty much everywhere.  She is obsessed with everyone's birthday and asks me multiple times a week whose birthday is next and how old they are going to be and most importantly if they will share their cake.

Miss Eloise is my snuggle bug.  She loves to give hugs and kisses.  She also knows how to throw a good temper tantrum, buuuuuut then she's right back to snuggling. She likes to look at books, not so much read them.  She also likes dancing, although I'm sure Lola has influenced that love.  She says Mama, Dada, Rara, book, shoes, no and Papa,

There are so many things rolling around in my head these days.  So much to write, but the words are hard to put on paper.  The older I get the more I see how desperately I need Christ.  I cannot live without Him, there is no reason, no hope.  That's what this world needs most right now is hope.  It's been such a burden on my heart lately.  I can't even go to the gym without being bombarded by the pain, fear and suffering in this world splashed all over the TV.  Now that I have these two little sweet girls, it is even more important that I trust God.  Important isn't even the right word, it is necessary, I can't get through a news broadcast without thinking about what the future holds and I can't get through the rest of the day without remembering who holds the future.

I read something in C.S. Lewis' book Mere Christianity the other day about how this world has a parasite, sin,  that this isn't how it's supposed to be, but that God in his great sovereignty, decided that giving us a free will to choose love and choose Him is better than making us robots with no pain or strife.  I have never thought of it like that before.  It's not about God swooping down and saving us from our every day, here on earth, life, filled with all that sin causes.  It's about God loving us, wanting a higher way, wanting a true love, joy and peace for our hearts.  I don't know about anyone else, but I give that an AMEN.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

I'll be home for Christmas

Here it is, a week before Christmas!  I cannot believe how fast this last month has flown by!  Our trip to Tulsa was a whirlwind and now we are focusing on getting ready for our first Christmas with 2 sweet girls and just enjoying some much needed family time.  Bryan's last day of work for the year is Friday! Yay!  We are planning on spending some time talking, resting, reading and making goals for the new year.

We attempted our first ornament making with Lola this year.

We made cinnamon ornaments and she loved it!  She still very much wants to help with anything to do with food.  She is excited about Christmas, although she thinks it's every day, so we have to constantly remind her that we still have a few days left.  Although I may be more excited than she is :)

Our sweet little Eloise is growing WAY to fast.  Rolling, scooting and pushing herself up are her ways of getting around these days.  I know I shouldn't wish away these days, but I CANNOT WAIT till Lola and Eloise are running after each other and playing.  I've heard Lola say a few times to her "Come on baby sister, let's go", so when she can actually follow her around will be so much fun!

On a sad note, we had to say good bye to our little Addie.  She was with us for 16 years,  She would always follow my mom around and when she rested would be snuggled right by her side.  She was my dads shadow and helped him adjust during those difficult days and even once Jared and I left home.  She will be greatly missed!!

Excited about the next two weeks and the time spent with family and at home.  Excited to see what the new year has in store for us.  Thankful that God has been faithful this past year and will never leave my side in the year to come.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013


Trying to get back onto the blogging wagon!  Eloise will be 5 months next week!  Lola is 2 and 1/2.  Time flies!  
Lola is into everything!  Loves washing her hands, brushing her teeth, eating Daddy's cereal, coloring and "making recipes" with Mama.

We got to go visit Bryan's sister Mary and his nephew Mitchel in NYC.  Lola loved playing with her cousin and it was so good to see them both,.  Prayers are continually appreciated as Mitchel continues to gain strength and healing from his bone marrow transplant.

This little cutie is tons of fun too.  Not too much into sleeping for the past few months, but she is a happy girl despite this so that makes it a little easier.  She loves to smile and is rolling over both ways pretty good and pushes herself up off her belly.

Just melts my heart <3 p="">

It's so fun to watch this sister relationship start to form.  Lola loves to make her laugh and talks to her and tries to calm her down when she cries.  Lola makes sure she always has her pacifier and loves to give her the occasional fist bump or kiss on the head.  They still don't really look anything alike.  Elle's eyes are still very blue and Lolas are very brown.  Elle is very fair skinned, Lola could get a tan at night.  I think Eloise takes more after Bryan and maybe my mom.

Lola loves snuggling with Eloise, although Eloise isn't always a fan.

We are heading to Tulsa tomorrow to celebrate Thanksgiving with Bryan's family and catch up with friends.  I am so excited to get a way for a little bit and take some time to just be truly thankful for all the blessings that God has brought to us this year.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Eloise Adalyn Baxter. The birth story.

So my due date was Friday the 28th or Saturday the 29th depending on who you ask, I was told the 28th after my first ultrasound and then the 29th later on.  But of course I went by the 28th.  So as the date approached I analyzed every ache, pain or change in how I felt.  I worked Wednesday night till 8, not feeling the greatest, nothing really specific, just off.  I needed to get groceries on Thursday but decided right after work that I would just run and get them since Bryan had Lola and it's easier and faster to just run in and out. I got home about 9 and started having some braxton hicks contractions while I put the groceries away and caught up with some phone calls.  Had some cereal, raisin bran was my major craving this time around :)  Then I headed to bed around 10.  I just laid there for a while and started to have some pain so I decided to time them and see if there was anything to it, it was about 11:45 at this point.  They were coming about 7 min apart and lasting about 30 seconds or so.  I also felt a little trickle, which may or may not have been my water breaking.  By 1:20 am I had been timing for a while and decided to wake Bryan up and tell him I was going to call the midwife and see what she thought.  I called and she called right back, I described what was going on and she said since I probably wasn't going to get much rest, I might as well come in a get checked out.  I called my dad so he could come and stay with Lola and jumped in the shower.  Bryan got our stuff together and started loading up the car and getting out Lola's carseat for my dad.  My dad got here about 2 and we left pretty much right away.  The hospital is about 45 min away with no traffic so we wanted to get going.  I timed my contractions on the way and my excitement got more as the contractions started to come about 5 minutes apart, still totally manageable although I did have to start breathing through them a little more.  We got to the hospital about 3 and checked in and went up to the labor and delivery floor. They took  me to the triage area and got me hooked up to the monitor.  The nurse checked me, she said she didn't think my water broke, but I was about 2-3 cm dilated.  She said they would monitor me for a while and see if the contractions were consistent and if they were they would have me walk around for a while.  They were sticking at about 5 min apart and so I was able to get up and walk around.  We walked  the floor and I would squat during each contraction, the nurse suggested this to get things moving a little faster.  Bryan was great, he walked with me, timed the contractions and wrote down the times so we could keep track.  We walked for an hour and the contractions went to 2-3 min apart, still tolerable, but definitely had to focus to get through them.  We got hooked up again and she check me, I was at 5 cm, so I heard those words I was waiting's time!  Whohoo !! :) I had tested positive for GBS so they didn't want to risk waiting too long to start the antibiotic. I got moved to the room with the tub, as I was hoping for a water birth and there is only one room that has one.  We walked a little more and then one of the midwives wanted to check my progress again and see about my water.  I met my nurse, who I had met before when I was admitted for my blood pressure and was excited because she is the sweetest and I felt really comfortable with her, she also helped my sister in law during her labor. Pat, the midwife, checked me and said I was at a 6.5-7 and my water had definitely broken at some point....who knows when.  I was on the monitor for a little bit and then got up and tried the birthing ball, but just wasnt really that crazy about it, tried getting on all fours but that seemed to make things worse, so I just walked around in between contractions and then put my hands on a stool that was in the room and breathed through each contraction, at this point I really had to focus on the purpose of the pain and disconnect from it to get through.  Things started moving faster and I got back in the bed. Sheela, my midwife arrived at this point, which was another blessing since she isn't always on call and today was the last day till the following Monday that she would be around. I started having to close my eyes and make that monotone sound you hear in birthing works for some reason, sounds like I'm doing some kinda crazy meditation, but whatever it takes at this point.  The tub had been filled and they said I could move there.  I labored for a few contractions and it felt very relaxing to be in there.  The nurse noticed what she thought was, some meconium in my fluid and Sheela, told Bryan and I that I probably wouldn't be able to do the water birth because of that and she would check to make sure that was what it was.  I was kinda bummed, but really just wanted to get to the bed before another contraction.  Sheela checked me at this point as I started to feel a little urge to push.  I was 9 and a little lip left.  but the baby's head was still up pretty high.  Sheela said she wanted me to get in the shower, I didn't want to move but she seemed to think that would help.  I wasn't in there more than a contraction and my body just started  pushing, it was 10:26 am.  Right away Sheela wanted me back in the bed,  I kept saying I can't, I didn't want to move and the pain had started winning and I was losing control.  They dragged me back in bed in time for me to push once holding on to the birthing bar on the bed.  I could hear Bryan start to get emotional and Sheela said, I could have the baby with the next contraction.  I pushed, screamed and yelled one more contraction and all of a sudden she was here!  10:30 am.  They put her on my chest and suctioned her out while they let the cord stop pulsing.  Then Bry cut the cord and they took her to the incubator next to me to check her out and weigh her.  I originally wanted to hold her till I nursed, but I think because of the meconium they wanted to make sure everything was good.  I ended up tearing along my scar from Lola's birth, but this time it was only 2nd degree.  Sheela stitched me up, not fun with a few shots of lidocain that didn't seem to do anything so I pretty much felt every stitch not to mention the contractions still coming on.  The placenta came out finally and I got to hold and nurse my girl.  All of the 7 lbs 2 ounces and 20.5 inches of her was perfect.  Everyone left and Bry and I had some time to soak it all in.  It was really pretty perfect and I am so incredibly humbled at how God worked out every single detail.

Friday, May 24, 2013

35 weeks, Baby #2

Back with a quick update, can't believe that I am 35 weeks already and yet at the same time, 5 weeks seems like an eternity!  I'm sure it will fly as the rest of this pregnancy has.
Feeling pretty good, been having a little trouble staying asleep and getting back to sleep once I wake up.  Eating has been a little weird, dinner, no matter what it is has pretty much been less than appealing to me.  I work 2 nights a week so I just kind of graze those days, but the rest of the week, poor Bryan has been left to fend for himself more times that I would like to admit, I just can't bring myself to eat, let alone cook something some days.
So far my weight gain has been a little less than with Lola, but no swelling this time, so it probably works out to be about the same since there is less water weight.
Been having some "blood pressure" issues in the office recently, which sent me to the hospital two weeks ago and got me an extra ultrasound this next week.  I saw a Dr, this time around and he wanted to check the baby because at my 30 week ultrasound her abdomen was measuring 2 weeks behind.  He said this can be caused by high blood pressure and the baby not getting enough nutrients.  Trying not to worry too much, I know that those things can be off but we will see on Wednesday how it goes.
Hoping for a natural water birth still at this point, which I can't have if my blood pressure is up, so praying that it all works out and whatever happens in the end, is for the best.
Ok, that's all for now, will be back with some pictures and more updates, now that we have a computer again! yay!