Thursday, February 17, 2011

Trust defined

The way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity; not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future. The next step discloses itself only out of a discernment of God acting in the desert of the present moment. The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and his promise.

-Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning
This quote hit me like a ton of bricks this morning.  Trust is always a difficult and constant battle for me, but especially relevant right now.  We are getting ready to leave EARLY (I'm talking 4:30 AM, people - that's early for even ME!! ) on Saturday morning to head up to Indiana to visit a church.  Bryan has been interviewing for a few months now for their youth pastor position and after much prayer, we have decided to take the next step and see if this is where God is leading us.  This is a huge step, for many reasons, not the least of which, will be the timing.  Becoming new parents in itself is a life altering event, but throw in there a move away from friends and family and it really adds a new dimension.  I have this indescribable peace about it though.  Something that makes me wonder what God is up to even more!  It is going to be hard, don't get me wrong.  It's going to stretch my already completely stretched mind and body.  But the more I pray about it and think about this possibility the more I feel completely confident that God will take care of us financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally....COMPETELY!
I especially like the part of this quote, "The next step discloses itself only out of a discernment of God acting in the desert of the present moment".  The desert of the present moment, what a mental picture and a perfect way to describe what I have felt over the past few months, wondering if this was something God was leading us to.  You come to a place of total nothingness, no life, just dry anticipation.  The past is full of memories, the future full of dreams, but this present moment is stillness, waiting with baited breath for something...
The next part of the quote talks about leaving what is sure for something more.  I love dependability, schedules and routines.  This leaving the "sure" business is SO tough for me.  But the "more" intrigues and excites me.  I pray every day that God will take hold of me and make me something more, better than yesterday, more like Him.  I think sometimes when we ask God for something, He doesn't give us the "something" He gives us the tools or situation to get to what we are asking for.
Lots to think about!
Please pray that I will not allow Satan to weasel his lies into my head about my lack of sufficiency for this task or throw fear into my path.  I know that God has given me EVERYTHING that I need for life in godliness.  Pray that I take hold of that and rest.  This weekend will also be a stretch for me physically as I have been getting more and more exhausted and uncomfortable as the weeks go on.  So pray that I will rely on God for the strength to be able to push through when I need to and rest when I can.  
I will update you next week on all that God taught us! 

On the Lola side of my life :)  she is now 16 inches long and about 3.3 lbs! 

  That's 4 oranges :) 

She has been moving around alot latley, which is fun!  I have been SOOOO tired though.  I have to say that I have been sleeping pretty well, so that helps me get through the tired points in my day.  I have also entered the wonderful world of swelling.  My ankles look like my Grandma's :)  Cute on her...not so much on me!
I have been trying to drink a TON of water, I'm up to 6.5 liters a day, which keeps me active from all the trips to the bathroom!  and keeping my feet up as much as possible, but that's hard for me to sit still! 
I also started going to the chiropractor.  I definitely feel a little more loose and comfortable after I get adjusted. 

I have an appointment on the 28th with Kim for another listen and measure visit.  We go for our childbirth "class" and tour of the hospital on the 26th and we are going to breastfeeding classes next month, so it's getting more and more real! 

I will be having a family shower on March 13th, which I am excited for!!! and then a church one the following Sunday.  I made my list of things to pack for the hospital and am starting to do some laundry for her.  I hope these next few weeks fly by, but at the same time I have a TON to get done still!  Loving every minute of it though :):)

Catch you later!

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