To be completely honest, my time with God has been a little lack luster and mundane lately. Mainly consisting of reading a chapter and a cry out to God to give me strength. Not that there is anything necessarily wrong with this, but it wasn't really helping me to grow or make any changes in my life, just basically survive.
Yesterday, God laid it on my heart to change it up a little. I picked up My Utmost for His Highest, always an encouragement to me and a good place to start over. I read the entry for June 11th, entitled "Getting There" It was speaking about the verse in Matthew 11:28 " Come to Me...". The author says," Our Lord's words are not 'Do this or don't do that', but-'Come to me', If I will simply come to Jesus, my real life will be brought into harmony with my real desires. I will actually cease from sin and will find the song of the Lord beginning in my life".
This struck me right where I needed it. It's so easy to get discouraged, get in a rut and then try to find a new way out. I like to make plans and checklists...10 steps to a better day...is usually how I try to feel better and solve my issues. But there is a GIGANTIC step I am missing!!! Coming to Jesus! My quick and somewhat desperate pleas for Jesus to give me strength each morning are a start, but as my day progresses, my dependance wanes. I give in to temptation to wallow in my situation or give up trying and just be lazy. I give into my thoughts of inadequacy and each night have to face the daunting fact that I failed again. Coming to Jesus and bringing out thoughts and concerns, sins and struggles, isn't the natural step, but I must say that since yesterday morning, it has been far easier at the end of the day to look back on some of my struggles that day and rest in the fact, that God is working. I came to Him for strength and He was faithful to provide it. He isn't just content in being compartmentalized into a blanket prayer each morning, but believe that He wants to be an integral part of our day, every moment.
I pray that I continue to seek God and come to Him first and always, instead of trying frantically to come up with the next great thing to save me.